Violet Stormbringer's Book of Stupid Puns (5e Equipment)

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"An unassuming black leather tome carried by Violet Stormbringer. A quick look inside reveals something so terrifying that even The Dark Gods themselves tremble at its mention.

In this journal is 30 bad puns."

1: "Hey girl, are you a map? Because I'm lost without you."

2: "Did you hear about the bakery that burned down a while back? The owner refuses to rebuild because his business is toast."

3: "What'd the pirate say when his 80th birthday came about? 'Aye matey!'"

4: "A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says 'Five beers please.'"

5: "The difference between a tomb and a tome is what's written on the front."

6: "War does not determine who is right, only who is left."

7: "Those lizard folk sure do like to talk a lot. Some might say their speeches tend to...DRAG-on."

8: "I lost a deck of tarot cards. As a fortune teller, I'm upset that I didn't see this coming."

9: "A town full of magic users? This could...spell trouble, if you know what I mean."

10: "That's a nice tree chopper y'got there. Mind if I axe where you got it?"

11: If all else fails, make a joke about their dumb hair, or lack thereof.

12: "Have you been to The Plane of Eternal Nothingness? My last trip was unaVOIDable."

13: "A Human, an Elf, and a Dwarf walk into a bar. The other two look down at the dwarf and say 'You're lucky you're so short, that hurt!"

14: "I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know whY."

15: "I lost my job at The Gold Bank last week. Someone asked me to check their balance, so I pushed them over."

16: "I bought a bag of assorted herbs and now I have too much thyme on my hands."

17: "Accordion to The Elves, most humans don't recognize when a certain word is replaced with a musical instrument."

18: "My friend hit me with a torch. It really shed light on our relationship."

19: "What did the ocean say to it's old friend? 'Long time No Sea.' "

20: "This sky ain't the best, but it's up there."

21: "Mute people are the kind of people to get you pregnant. You never hear 'em coming."

22: "How do you destroy a Fire Elemental? You turn up the AC."

23. "As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear."

24. "If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

25. "With great reflexes comes great response ability."

26. "I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone."

27. "Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater."

28. "I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy."

29. "This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester."

30. "Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot."


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