Violet Stormbringer's Book of Stupid Puns (5e Equipment)
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In this journal is 30 bad puns."
1: "Hey girl, are you a map? Because I'm lost without you."
2: "Did you hear about the bakery that burned down a while back? The owner refuses to rebuild because his business is toast."
3: "What'd the pirate say when his 80th birthday came about? 'Aye matey!'"
4: "A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says 'Five beers please.'"
5: "The difference between a tomb and a tome is what's written on the front."
6: "War does not determine who is right, only who is left."
7: "Those lizard folk sure do like to talk a lot. Some might say their speeches tend to...DRAG-on."
8: "I lost a deck of tarot cards. As a fortune teller, I'm upset that I didn't see this coming."
9: "A town full of magic users? This could...spell trouble, if you know what I mean."
10: "That's a nice tree chopper y'got there. Mind if I axe where you got it?"
11: If all else fails, make a joke about their dumb hair, or lack thereof.
12: "Have you been to The Plane of Eternal Nothingness? My last trip was unaVOIDable."
13: "A Human, an Elf, and a Dwarf walk into a bar. The other two look down at the dwarf and say 'You're lucky you're so short, that hurt!"
14: "I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know whY."
15: "I lost my job at The Gold Bank last week. Someone asked me to check their balance, so I pushed them over."
16: "I bought a bag of assorted herbs and now I have too much thyme on my hands."
17: "Accordion to The Elves, most humans don't recognize when a certain word is replaced with a musical instrument."
18: "My friend hit me with a torch. It really shed light on our relationship."
19: "What did the ocean say to it's old friend? 'Long time No Sea.' "
20: "This sky ain't the best, but it's up there."
21: "Deaf people are the kind of people to get you pregnant. You never hear 'em coming."
22: "How do you destroy a Fire Elemental? You turn up the AC."
23. "As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear."
24. "If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
25. "With great reflexes comes great response ability."
26. "I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone."
27. "Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater."
28. "I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy."
29. "This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester."
30. "Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot."