Ceiling Wolfie (3.5e Deity)

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April Fools!
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By Yanied
Greater Deity
Symbol: a sleeping white female wolfie wearing a chef's hat
Home Plane: elemental plane of waffles
Alignment: chaotic good
Portfolio: pastries, bakeries, silliness, randomness, good food, and bacon
Clergy Alignments: any good
Domains: luck, trickery, creation, good, travel
Favored Weapon: natural weapons of mammals, cooking implements, giant falling pastries

Ceiling Wolfie is a white female wolf, who seems to be entirely incapable of speech, but is extremely intelligent, and on occasion, even grants spells to followers of other deities. She is magnanimously indiscriminate so long as the prayer or beneficiary shares her good nature and love of comfort food.

Sample prayers addressed to Ceiling Wolfie usually consist of something like a menu order at a diner. For example, Dear Ceiling Wolfie, I want a cookie, and a waffle, and a Cheezburger, and another cookie, and pie, and... (6 hours later) ...and another cookie, and a potato. There is no need to say anything conclusively at the end. The longest prayer to Ceiling Wolfie known to be recorded was about 12 hours long before the priest got too hungry waiting and talking and ran off to the nearest IHOP.


Ceiling Wolfie frowns on those that wear fur for vanity, those that are evil, and those that don't appreciate good food. Ceiling Wolfie also hates chocolate, as she is still a canine despite being a deity.

Ceiling Wolfie appreciates sacrifices of food as a show of faith, but almost invariably eats some of the food, smiles gleefully, and gives the rest to the hungry in the world. In addition to comestible offerings, she appreciates good-natured memes and especially memes about food.

Clergy and Temples[edit]

Temples dedicated to Ceiling Wolfie are usually almost indistinguishable from large bakeries, except for a few statues and depictions of a white female wolf wearing a chef's hat, and their tendency to go to great lengths to feed the hungry. These bakery workers are sort of like acolytes of Ceiling Wolfie, and the head master baker is the priest who usually prays for a ton of food. It's a bit redundant since these houses of worship can produce their own food anyway.


People generally associate Ceiling Wolfie with the other greats of the interwebs. Similar to these other entities, not everyone will accept Ceiling Wolfie's claim to divinity for outlandish reasons of rationality and seriousness.

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