Talk:Hooker (3.5e Class)

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Why not just use Expert or Commoner? I can't imagine a prostitute would be useful for a PC class. JazzMan 19:15, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

We just let our sorcerer put ranks in Profession(Streetwalker)(CHA based skill) and had some formula for what DC made what money, based on relative wealth of the neighborhood. Also, there was some feature akin to "+5 on gather information or intimidate checks to characters from whom you've used this skill." In this instance, intimidate was more along the lines or blackmail and extortion than "hulking brute face smashes". --Badger 19:41, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
Now that sounds interesting (I presume the formula was similar to pick pocketing). I'm just not sure how one could expand that to an entire class, though. I guess we'll see (or we won't, and this will get deleted). JazzMan 19:52, 2 May 2010 (UTC)
Our DM made up something like this, only I'm pretty sure there were also logarithms and integrals:
(Profession check*Charisma modifier*Community modifier from DMG*(GP limit of town/Adult population))=Copper Pieces made in a night
Because you are multiplying by the Community modifier it was impossible to effectively "streetwalk" in anything smaller than a "large town". We attributed this to increased presence of a tight-knit community, with strong morals; smaller towns unwillingness to allow such behavior; the fact that word spreads in small towns; or the increase in percentage of guards per citizen. Also, you had to have a Charisma score higher than 10 in order to use this skill. --Badger 20:39, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

It's not supposed to be useful, its just for fun. Also, I like the money making idea, I'll try to put that in.--Lüxtan 06:22, 3 May 2010 (UTC)


The class is done for the most part, I just have to finalize a few details, but other than that, it is playable, so could someone remove the deletion template.--Lüxtan 06:14, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

This class is not yet playable. You have yet to add what "Call Pimp" does, and it's customary that all class abilities be included on the page (ie, include the text from "distracting cleavage" on the class page, or at least a link in the body of the page. Also, does a hooker have to meet the pre-req's for that feat?). Furthermore, I have no idea what you are doing with spells. If a Hooker can cast spells, you need to give them a spell progression: spells per day, spells known, and preperation process. For example, when can a Hooker cast Charm Person? How many times per day? Need she prepare it beforehand? If these are truly "Spells" you needen't include (sp) behind the name. However, if these are Spell like abilities, which is what I think they are, you should remove the "spells" heading, and make them class abilities. Also, looking at your "spells per day" table, it looks like you can cast level 1 spells only. Is that the case? What about the higher level spells you have on your lists? On Ex-hookers: If they return to a chaotic alignment, can they begin to attain levels in Hooker, or must they go through some "attonement" procedure? After you finish off the mechanical stuff I mentioned you still need to add a ton of fluff, like "Hookers in the world", and "Playing a hooker". --Badger 19:17, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
It's complete enough so for now I took off the deletion tag. However, it's not really usable as a class, and not funny or clever enough to be justified keeping it in April Fools. If you do a little more work on it it could be a very good April Fools entry. JazzMan 15:57, 5 May 2010 (UTC)
Personally, until the page says what "Call Pimp" does I'd leave the deletion template up. --Badger 20:42, 5 May 2010 (UTC)
I dunno, it's one of those gray areas that aren't really covered by any tags. Even though it doesn't have much mechanics-wise *other* than call pimp, there's only one class feature that isn't fully described. It doesn't seem right to delete it when someone could so easily finish it. You or I could finish it without much work, but the only reason we are doing so is in deference to the creator.
Don't worry, though, I'll keep an eye on it so it doesn't get forgotten. JazzMan 22:23, 5 May 2010 (UTC)


If you plan to keep this as an "April Fools" class, you might as well add some more jokes. here are a few of my suggestions, others should feel free to add more --Badger 21:44, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

  • Reduced movement speed do to heels, but a climb speed equal to half base land speed
  • Immune to diseases, or can cause diseases
  • Payday: whenever you strike with a "acrylic nail" attack you may make a sleight of hand check (DC 17) as a free action to steal a bag of coins or similarly sized item off the person.
  • What did you call me: Once per day per four levels, a Hooker may enter a "Hooker's rage", which mechanically is identical to a barbarian's rage.
  • Unrivaled streetwalker: At level X a hooker can use Freedom of Movement as a spell like ability at will, but only at night, or in places with dim illumination (such as caves, alleys, or particularly dark forests.
  • Get low: Whenever grappling a humanoid member of the opposite sex, the opponent must make a Will Save (DC 10+Hooker class level) or automatically be grappled. The opponent is denied all grapple checks (thus, automatically failing them) until he succeeds this will save. The DC decreases by 1 for every round the Hooker does damage to her foe. Any creature that makes this will save is immune to this ability from this hooker for 24 hours.
  • He kept the pimp hand strong: Due to years of resistance, at level X a hooker gets total immunity to non-lethal damage. Any attack that would normally deal non-lethal damage instead deals no damage at all.
  • Familiar with tongues: A level X hooker can comprehend all spoken languages. Furthermore, she can instantly translate any language spoken near her to Common (or any other known language). However, she cannot speak the language unless she already knows it. (ie, Sugargurl, the human hooker, can hear kobolds in the next room talking, in draconic, about plans to blow up city hall. However, she cannot speak draconic back to them unless she already knows how to speak draconic).
  • Turn a blind eye: At level X a hooker can turn herself invisible for a number of rounds equal to her charisma modifier (or until she attacks, whichever comes first). This length is doubled for Lawful Good-aligned creatures and halved for any creature with a chaotic alignment. While invisible she is also magically silenced. She can speak, but she is only heard by those who can see her.
  • B!tch be trippin': A level X hooker gains Improved Trip as a bonus feat, even if she does not have the prerequisites.
  • Sometimes I fake it: Once per day a Hooker may replace any single attack roll with a Bluff check. She must declare that she is doing this before hearing the outcome of her original attack. She may use either her bluff check or her attack roll, whichever is higher.
Since my economist I've wanted to make other occupations into classes, so I can quite readily say I approve of this, though I think He kept the pimp hand strong, aside from perhaps needing a shorter name, could potentially be broken when combined with something which provides regeneration. Otherwise, brainstorm away; I'll add my two cents later, perhaps. -- Jota 23:59, 8 May 2010 (UTC)
It's April Fools, so I'm just throwing out random ideas that would get laughed off the table at any serious game. As for a shorter name for "he kept the pimp hand strong", I couldn't think of something that tied back into the comedic hooker theme. Feel free to modify, this doesn't even qualify as "rough draft" for me yet. "School of hard knocks" maybe? I think funny names of class features is a key part of April Fools classes. As for B!tch be trippin', I know our policy on swearing, but this page has a Adult template on it, so I figured it'd be ok. Also I'm not swearing at anyone. Am I right? I guess we could rename that if we must. --Badger 08:32, 9 May 2010 (UTC)
Seeing as how the user hasn't been back in two weeks, and this class still isn't up to snuff, I placed the abandoned tag on it. Feel free to add to your heart's content. And don't take my word as official or anything, but I don't think that "the B word" is really high on the list of Swears You Can't Say On The Wiki. Actually, I think it's even funnier if you censor it like you did above. JazzMan 16:33, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
Does anyone have a guess as to what "Call Pimp" was supposed to be? Or at least what you would make it? I don't want to remove one of three class features, but I have any idea how to include it. I think the +1d4 is really confusing me... --Badger 18:42, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
I have no idea. I thought maybe it was a sneak-attack type thing, but 1d4 / 2 levels + 1 seems underpowered, especially a limited number of times per day. Then I thought maybe you literally called 2d4 pimps to help you out, but that seems overpowered, and really if you have more than one pimp in the same room they are going to fight each other for you, not fight your enemies. Maybe it's just a bonus to your damage roll every time you use the ability. Power-wise it works, but logic-wise it's a little strange. JazzMan 19:02, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
So it's the hooker version of the Paladin's Smite Evil (for lawful creatures?)? I think I'll go with that, but reduce the progression and change the d4 to d6 (because bottom line, I've got like 3d4 and 300d6...) we change the name from "call pimp" to "Double D's of Doom" or "Chaotic Cans" or "Anarchic Knockers"... --Badger 20:23, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
Ha ha ha, yeah, Hooker Smite sounds about right. I would think it should be against lawful creatures though. As a way, for example, to fight off the pesky Paladin trying to put her in custody. If you go that route, definitely call it something other than call pimp. DDD or CC works, I love the alliteration. Or maybe you can replace the acrylic nail proficiency with this instead, call it "Cat Fighting" or something. JazzMan 20:34, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
Alright, so I've added a bunch of the mechanical aspects to this class. However, in order to be a good April Fools class it needs to have funny descriptions. I've tried a few, and they kinda fail, so if someone wants to go in and add fluff on the class abilities to make them funnier, that would be appreciated. --Badger 20:43, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
Oh man, this is great! I tried to make it funnier, but I think it's pretty good as-is. (I actually laughed out loud). I did make a few minor changes though, so see if you agree. JazzMan 01:58, 20 May 2010 (UTC)

Gentlemen prefer blondes[edit]

So I'm working on a new class feature, essentially based on what hair color you have you get special abilities. Meditating for 1 hour at the start of the day will change your hair color. All effects end 24 hours later. Suggestions for color attributes? It's a level 19 ability, so they can be strong, or several lesser traits... --Badger 22:24, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

  • Blonde- A blond may subtract up to her hooker level from her intelligence score and add it to her charisma score. Note: She can take up to, and beyond, her intelligence score. If she does that she suffers all the normal penalties for having intelligence reduced to (or below) zero. Her abilities return to normal 24 hours later. If she sets her intelligence to below 3 she is treated as an animal, and loses all class abilities except her natural attack.
    • Blonde alternate- continually under the effects of Mind Blank
  • Brunette- +2 on WIS checks, Can use "Sometimes I Fake It" a number of times equal to her Charisma modifier.
    • Brunette alternate- "Go both ways": gender specific class features (at this point just get low) can be used on either gender, not just the alternate one
  • Redhead- +2 on CON checks, Immunity to Fire
    • Redhead alternate- When in a "Hooker's Rage" you catch fire. You deal an additional (1d6+CHA mod) fire damage on all natural/unarmed attacks.
  • Non-Natural Colors:
    • Blue- +2 Str, gain +2 to all attacks
    • Green- +2 Dex, gain one more use of all spells
    • Pink- +2 on INT checks, Double Team becomes Triple Timin'
    • Other- pick the benefits of any one color above
I don't really know if these are balanced, but I added some suggestions. Blond, brunette and redhead are easier to figure out that the other colors. JazzMan 01:58, 20 May 2010 (UTC)
I would treat blond as something that scales up to mindblank or something similar, with red hair being rage-related. Brunette has less defined cultural connotations/stereotypes, so I'm not sure what you'd go with there. -- Jota 02:32, 20 May 2010 (UTC)
Ok, so I added an alternate for redhead, blonde, and brunette; we can swap them out or combine them if that sounds better than what we have. As for non-natural colors, I just added them so we could get some interesting other attributes if we wanted. The colors I added were just the first three I thought of, feel free to change them or add new ones. --Badger 03:59, 20 May 2010 (UTC)
New Blonde power; (undoubtedly) too powerful, but it's a joke class so I'm inclined to leave it because it is funny... --Badger 06:51, 20 May 2010 (UTC)
Meh, I'm ok with it. Especially if it's used by a very good roleplayer. Think about it, she lowers her intelligence, finds out that she does better, then lowers it again, then does even better, and eventually gets stuck in the loop and is too dumb to get out of it. JazzMan 01:44, 21 May 2010 (UTC)
The balance issue comes when she's taking 9 out of INT and dumping it on CHA. That's a +4 mod for "free". Considering all the class abilities that revolve around CHA, she might be too overpowered. But again, power is not something I bother with on April Fools. --Badger 01:59, 21 May 2010 (UTC)
Well, I'm actually going to use this class. Don't ask me WHY, but I'm going to use it. So, if we were to use the hair color joke, the transfer of ability points just doesn't seem like a good idea. Perhaps using this is a better idea?
  • Blonde: A Blonde may subtract up to twice her intelligence modifier and add it to her charisma score.
Sound like a plan? PokeDM 23:06, 4 June 2010 (UTC)
I'd like to remind you this is an April Fool's class. That means it's not very well balanced within most games, most likely. Your alteration doesn't do anything with a blonde who has an INT of 11 or lower (modifier 0). Honestly, I like the way it works as is. It's strong, but it's level 19, so not that strong. Also, by dropping your INT to 4 you're making it really easy for someone to stat death you and remove you from combat. --Badger 23:25, 4 June 2010 (UTC)
If you have to limit it, you should limit it to either "you can't go below 0 int" or "you can't move more than your original CHA modifier's worth of points". It straight-up says that Int is a dump stat, so it's not useful to limit it to that. I like the clarification of what happens if you go below 0 Int though. JazzMan 04:04, 5 June 2010 (UTC)

Finishing touches[edit]

Alright, so what are our thoughts on getting a picture for this page? I know at this point it hardly matters, as pictures aren't working. I'm just curious. I think a picture would help finish off this page, as long as we kept it relatively tame. Also, we need to write a sample encounter. I hate doing that, so I've just been putting that off. Any volunteers? --Badger 08:11, 5 June 2010 (UTC)

Gender Neutral Pronouns[edit]

I don't like them. I think they are a bad call. The jokes from the class come from the names. If you change the names, they become less funny. Anyone else agree? I've not immediately reverted the edits, but I'm inclined to, unless someone has a better reason than "that's what's done". --Badger 18:07, 2 February 2011 (MST)

I agree, the change was unnecessary. Besides which, changing "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" to "Blonde Preference" makes it sound like the character is the one who has a fair-hair preference, not the character's clientele. JazzMan 20:10, 2 February 2011 (MST)
"That's what's done" was my reason. There must be a way to keep the humor (although some I think is improved, like the trippin' name). Although I really don't care enough to think more about this personally. --Green Dragon 20:12, 2 February 2011 (MST)
No offense, but that's a really bad reason to do things. (Reminds me of the joke of the woman who always cut the ends of the roast off before she put it in the oven but didn't know why; look it up if you aren't familiar). Especially if you don't care enough to fix it... JazzMan 20:29, 2 February 2011 (MST)
Well it works (flavor-wise) in my opinion as it is (or I would not have done it), but I guess others disagree. And things should be "what's done" (unless of course they hurt the article in a way, then it should be discussed), but to argue in this instance I don't think makes sense. --Green Dragon 20:59, 2 February 2011 (MST)
Ok, so, my point is that I do think it hurts the article, which is why I started this dicusssion. "He kept the pimp hand strong" is an expression that people are familiar with. "She be trippin'" is likewise an urban expression. Neither of those actually refer to the hooker herself, either, so there's that. Continuing on, "Gentlemen prefer blondes" is a reference to a classic movie. On that front, I'd be willing to change it to something else, like "Blondes have more fun", but "Blonde preference" is just altogether un-funny. That said, I'm open to your suggestions as to how to make the names gender neutral, as well as funny. I just think most of your suggestions were rather lacking. I know most classes in the SRD have gender neutral names, but that's because most names are dull. "Enhance Arrow +3" is just lame when you compare it to "Chaotic Cans +3d4" (which by the way, isn't a gender neutral name). --Badger 21:56, 2 February 2011 (MST)
Here are some ideas I had.
Maybe change it to "keeping the pimp hand strong"? Strong was important there I guess.
How about "be trippin'" for that? A song "Got 'Em All Under Pressure" by Young Droop makes mention of "be trippin'" with multiple nouns (including the original), although of course that is not a definitive resource (but a resource nonetheless). Thoughts?
Maybe pull things from the film? "Blonds like diamonds, brunettes like marrying rich" (I don't know: I've never seen the film, I just read a review). --Green Dragon 23:45, 2 February 2011 (MST)
Where to begin, let's just go in your order:
  • "He kept the pimp hand strong" makes reference to the hooker being hit, not hitting (if you read the class feature you could tell that). The joke is the pimp (he) hit the hooker so often and with such force (kept the pimp hand strong) that she is now immune to non-lethal damage.
  • "She be trippin'" was originally "B!tch be trippin'" and was changed at some point (likely to not say naughty words). Ironically, that was a gender neutral class ability. Clearly someone was opposed to that, but otherwise it was funnier and gender neutral. I'm in favor of going back to that.
  • "Gentlemen prefer blondes" is only funny insofar as you can make it seem dirty and sexual. If you change it to something like you suggested, the joke isn't there. The film isn't about hookers, so drawing quotes from it wouldn't make the joke funnier. Moreover, your suggestion is way too long to be a class feature. There is a critical length for funny names, and anything beyond it just fails to hit the comedic mark. --Badger 11:12, 3 February 2011 (MST)


Power - 3/5 I give this class a 3 out of 5 because it is not meant to be a powerhouse class. It is as it needs to be. -- 05:16, 10 January 2012 (MST)

Wording - 5/5 I give this class a 5 out of 5 because the verbage is brilliant. Very entertaining. -- 05:16, 10 January 2012 (MST)

Formatting - 5/5 I give this class a 5 out of 5 because for what it is, it's perfect. An urban support character that is mostly geared for NPCs, but can operate as a low power PC. -- 05:16, 10 January 2012 (MST)

Flavor - 5/5 I give this class a 5 out of 5 because the writing is hilarious, and I am quite surprised that no one has posted something like this elsewhere. -- 05:16, 10 January 2012 (MST)

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