Rock (5e Race)

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April Fools!
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Be a little boulder.

Physical Description[edit]

That pebble on the side of the street. That rock in your yard. The stone you had thrown.

It's just a rock


Throughout history there has been a struggle of two. Man vs Man, Man vs whatever, and Sentient dirt vs Sentient dirt. If you've been reading up on your sentient dirt social norms or have been following any twitter feed of a sentient dirt you would know that when two of these majestical mounds meet that there is always a battle to the death between them, but what would occur if three were to meet simultaneously. Unlike when a pair of sentient dirt meet up and infinite rage is born, when a trio of sentient dirt happen to meet up a feeling of infinite lust is made. The three dirts pile up and compress themselves into each other in the end forming into a sentient rock.


Sentient rocks, unlike their dirty parents, are always horny and looking for their next mate to have a good time with. When a sentient rock encounters a potential mate they wish to copulate with, they always tell their closest bro something along the lines of, "Man, I wish I could bould-doze-er" or, "When I'm finished with them they'll be feeling like a sedimentary formation if you know what I mean ;)." Due to how they are formed, sentient rocks are much rarer than sentient dirts and born as non-virgins, and often refer to themselves as "virg-less." These rocks have a libido that is the product of multiplying the lust of the dirts it was made from at the time of creation, so in short, these rocks are the Alpha Chad Males with Large Schlong.

Rock Names[edit]

Sentient rocks have no need for names, but always have nicknames like "Hole Devastator" or "The Ore Extractor."

Rock Traits[edit]

Literally rock hard.
Ability Score Increase. Your Constitution score increases by 5 and your Charisma score increases by 3.
Age. Rocks are born rock hard, and they firmly believe age is just a number.
Alignment. Chaotic Horny, no exceptions.
Size. Your size is Small, but you always believe you are at least ten inches in radius.
Speed. Your base walking speed is 0 feet, so to move you must be carried, wink wink.
That’s a Nice Boulder. You are blind and deaf, you have disadvantage on any check that is related to sight or hearing.
"I can read your mind, baby". You can telepathically communicate with any creature with an Intelligence above 3 that knows at least 1 language within 100 ft. of you.
Damage Immunity. You are not attracted to lightning so you are immune to just lightning damage, but whenever hit by something that does lightning damage you are instantly turned off.
The ground is your B****. You have a deep "connection" with the ground, allowing you to know where anything that is in contact with the ground within 100ft. of you is.
Rocks don't need limbs either. You refuse to hold anything, it's not like it's just impossible for you.
Rock Hard. Resistant to all physical touch, including damage. Also when you are thrown as a projectile you deal 3d8 damage on contact, but can only be thrown up to 15 ft.
Languages. Sentient rocks can understand all languages but can't speak or read.
Subrace. Weed Rock

Weed Rock[edit]

Ability Score Increase. Cha +5
Contact High. People become high when around you, take that as you will man.
Photosynth... what?. Your weed inside of you makes you regenerate 2d8 hit points per turn.
Stoned. You gain proficiency with persuasion checks, because everyone around you thinks you sound like you're talking about something really important.

Pebble Pile[edit]

Ability Score Increase. Cha -5, Con +5
Constant ore-gy. All creatures within 5 ft. of you on the start of their turn must make a charisma save with a DC of 12; if failed, they will be charmed until they exit an area of 10 ft. around you, or pass a charisma saving throw with a DC of 13 that they can take every turn while charmed within 10 ft. of you.
Lotta Little Rocks. When thrown, anything within a cone of 15 ft. takes 1d8 damage, unless they succeed a dexterity saving throw with a DC of 11; then they take half damage.
Loose Pebbles. When an enemy leaves your engagement range of 5 ft. they have to succeed on a dexterity save with a DC of 5 or they fall prone.

Rock of Ages[edit]

Ability Score Increase. Str +3
You can roll for some reason.. Your movement increases to 20 ft.
Sizeable. You are now medium sized.
Round, Round, Roll Around, You Roll Around.. When attacking a medium or smaller target with an unarmed strike you do 4d4 damage and knock the target prone. After the attack you roll to the side opposite of the target. If another available target is within 5ft feet of you, you can attack them. You can do this up to 3 times per attack action.
Long Lost Travelling Buddy. Due to some past travels you know a lot about Greek mythology and have proficiency when performing a History check when it relates to Greek mythology.

Random Height and Weight[edit]

1'′ 2"″ ++1d4 inches 45 lb. lb. × (x 1d4 / 2 lb.) lb.

*Height = base height + height modifier
**Weight = base weight + (height modifier × weight modifier)

(2 votes)

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