Pamspawn (5e Race)

From D&D Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search
April Fools!
This content is not designed for use in regular games, and may affect overall balance and gameplay. Take caution when using this material.


The fight had seemed hopeless after a mere few minutes of battle. They had thought that the ugly human would be an easy mark as they had been walking alone down the dusty road. Everything had gone wrong, however, once they demanded all of the gold they had on them. The figure had spoken two words and the entire gang fell limp to the ground. When one managed to get up and drive a knife where the figure’s heart should have been, it merely twisted its head to an unnatural angle, a vicious grin splitting its pockmarked face.

-Account taken from arrested bandits after being found unconscious on a road.

Twisted Pillars of Strength[edit]

A religious depiction of the progenitor goddess: The Final Pam, Claire Hummel,

Pamspawn are tall, and might have been beautiful had their visages not been horrifically scarred. All Pamspawn emerge into the world from tins of coffee with their bodies already mangled to the point that most other races would not survive. Though they seem to be humans on the surface, many have found that their limbs retain unnatural strength. Those that speak to the abominations find their voices deep and scratchy with an odd, other-worldly accent.

The Final Pam's Children[edit]

As creations of the ultimate being, The Final Pam, Pamspawn reflect their creator’s sardonic wit and twisted sense of humor. They seem to find amusement in the desecration of corpses to resemble their own meaty skin, and laugh in the face of other inhuman abominations. Some of the more evil individuals with access to resurrection magic have been known to mutilate victims until death, resurrect them, and continue the torture. Pamspawn find beauty in carnage, but also respect more traditional aesthetics. They have an affinity for the garb worn by their progenitor: A feathered red dress, sunglasses, and big hair.

Transient Seekers of the Rift[edit]

Most Pamspawn are solitary creatures, searching alone for the methods of returning The Final Pam into the world and free her from her imprisonment in the infinite ocean that underlies the multiverse. That journey is often opposed by the allies of the deity Todd Howard, the god charged with stabilizing glitched realities, who imprisoned The Final Pam as a last ditch effort to contain her chaotic spread of nonsense. Through Todd Howard's interference, many Pamspawn are formed in the world with their powers greatly stunted, and so they must find a group of adventurers to join and aid until such a time as their powers resurface and their goals are met.

Pamspawn Names[edit]

Pamspawn always have names that incorporate elements of their sire or their family. They also bear titles that reference their goals or relationships to The Final Pam and her aliases.

Male: The Youngest Shaun, The Most Human Roachy, The Latest Garvey, The Lonesome Forest, The Trashiest Hulk, The Least Metal Husband, The Least Metal Son, The Coffee Can

Female: The Penultimate Pam, The Beta Susan, The Unconquerable Phyllis, The Indomitable Pam, The Godeater Pam, The Pam that Death Remembers, Looking Out For Pam

Pamspawn Traits[edit]

As spawn of the Final Pam, your character has several abhorrent traits.
Ability Score Increase. Your Strength and Constitution both increase by 2, but your Charisma is reduced by 1.
Age. Pamspawn are spawned into the world as pre-pubescent children and take an accelerated aging process, reaching adulthood within three years. While not timeless like their sire, Pamspawn can still live for several centuries.
Alignment. Pamspawn are an inherently chaotic race, spawned as they are by the primordial force of change and chaos, The Final Pam. They can fall anywhere on the good/evil scale as they see fit.
Size. Pamspawn are a tall race, averaging 6 feet tall and 200 pounds. Your size is Medium.
Speed. The Final Pam’s unnatural quickness flows in your veins. Your base walking speed is 35 feet.
Abomination of Pam. You count as both a Humanoid and an Aberration.
Savage Criticals. When you score a critical hit with an attack, you can roll one of the attack’s damage dice one additional time and add it to the extra damage of the critical hit. If a creature is killed by this critical hit, it explodes into a gory mess, and any gear it carried is destroyed except for magical items.
Grotesque Beauty. You are proficient in Intimidation, but take disadvantage on Charisma (Persuasion) and Charisma (Performance) checks.
Languages. You can speak, read, and write Common and one extra language chosen from Abyssal, Infernal, and Celestial.

Random Height and Weight[edit]

6′ 0″ +6" 200 lb. × (1.2) lb.

*Height = base height + height modifier
**Weight = base weight + (height modifier × weight modifier)

Back to Main Page5e HomebrewRaces

Home of user-generated,
homebrew pages!