Gazorpazorpfield (5e Race)

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April Fools!
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I'm Gazorpazorp-****ing-field, b****!


Source: [1]

"Gazorpazorpfield" refers to the cat race from the Gazorpazorp dimension in the TV show Rick and Morty. The name is due to the fact that Gazorpazorpfield is probably the only member of this race.
Like Garfield, Gazorpazorpfield is a lazy cat who lives in the house of his owner, Jon.
Unlike Garfield, Gazorpazorpfield has arms in the place of ears (that he can still use to hear but are otherwise useless) and tends to be extremely rude and profane.

Gazorpazorpfield Names[edit]

Gazorpazorpfield. Other names might include Nermazorpazorp or Arzorpazorplene, based on other characters from the original cartoon.

Gazorpazorpfield Traits[edit]

A lazy, profane cat created as a parody of Garfield.
Ability Score Increase. Your Strength and Dexterity scores each increase by 2.
Age. Gazorpazorpfield physically matures by the age of 5 months, and lives for as long as Jim Davis will.
Alignment. Gazorpazorpfield tends toward the Neutral Evil alignment, being very profane, selfish, and lazy.
Other Gazorpazorp cats (assuming they exist) would probably tend toward Chaotic Neutral, as cats do whatever they feel like.
Size. Gazorpazorpfield is a cat. Even with the extra arms, your size is Small.
Speed. Your base walking speed is 25 feet.
Darkvision. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can't discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
Cat-like Reflexes. You have advantage on ability checks and saving throws against any effect that would knock you prone.
Unmoving Mouth. You are unable to talk and instead can use the message cantrip to communicate telepathically.
Languages. You can "speak" Common. You are unable to read.
Subrace. There is currently only one known Gazorpazorp cat subrace: the Housecat.


The Gazorpazorp housecat has experience tormenting his owner at the cost of any real physical might.
Ability Score Increase. Gazorpazorpfield uses his Intelligence and Charisma to craft and deliver his insults. Pick one of these two abilities. The ability you chose increases by 2, the other increases by 1.
Ablility Score Decrease. Your Strength and Dexterity scores each decrease by 3 (to a net -1), thanks to a complete lack of exercise.
Thick Fat. Your hit point maximum increases by 1, and it increases by 1 every time you gain a level. Your unarmored AC is 10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Constitution modifier. You cannot become proficient in Medium or Heavy armor.
Intimidate. You gain proficiency in the Intimidation skill. If you are able to gain this proficiency another way, you can do so, adding double your proficiency bonus to checks you make with it.
Starting at 5th level, when you take the Attack action on your turn, you can replace one attack with an attempt to demoralize one humanoid you can see within 30 feet of you that can see and hear you. Make a Charisma (Intimidation) check contested by the target's Wisdom (Insight) check. If your check succeeds, the target is frightened until the end of your next turn. If your check fails, the target can't be frightened by you in this way for 1 hour.
Gluttony. Your feral instincts are tuned to the sight and scent of enchiladas. The instant you see them, you immediately consume them. When this happens, you may spend up to half of your Hit Dice (rounding up) to gain temporary Hit Points, gaining them the same way you would during a short rest.
Enchiladas can be made at any time (two attempts per long rest) from appropriate ingredients; they must be eaten fresh. In order to be successful, someone must spend 30 minutes preparing and cooking them, making a DC 10 Wisdom (Survival) roll, adding proficiency with Cook's Utensils if applicable. If this fails, the ingredients are wasted and they need to start over. If you [Gazorpazorpfield] try to make them yourself, you have disadvantage on this roll. On a natural 20, you can spend all of your Hit Dice if you choose.

Random Height and Weight[edit]

Table: Gazorpazorpfield Random Height and Weight
Base Height Height Modifier Base Weight Weight Modifier
2'6" + 2d4 in 50 lb. + 3d10 lb.

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