Cow Tools (5e Equipment)

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Wondrous item, rare (major tier) (Requires attunement by a bovine species.)

This random pile of junk in a crate seems to have an eerie, almost fury-inducing quality to it. Nobody who sees these so-called tools can agree on a use for them, despite being clearly labeled as 'cow tools'. The sheer rage it induces in humanoids has led to these so-called 'tools' being disposed of frequently. These mysterious and infuriating crates always contain four items: two heavy rocks, a stick, and a strange saw.

However, if you are of a bovine species, these items' uses are common knowledge, and as such you can draw from their benefits.

A set of Cow Tools comes with the following items, which can be attuned to a creature one at a time. You must use a short rest to attune to a separate item. These tools cannot be attuned to two separate creatures at once, otherwise they lose all magical properties and become mundane junk.

Big Rock A normal-looking rock that counts as a magic weapon for purposes of overcoming resistance. Can be thrown once per turn, using an Athletics check to deal 2d4 bludgeoning damage. This rock somehow returns to your hand at the end of the round.

Rock with Protrusion A rock with a handle-like protrusion that counts as a magic weapon for purposes of overcoming resistance. This weapon deals 4d4 bludgeoning damage.

Long Stick While attuned, holding this stick gives you a +1 bonus to any Intelligence skill checks you make.

Bone Saw A strange saw that is made of the bones of a humanoid farmer. Attuning to this item gives you proficiency in the Intimidation skill.

By Gary Larson
April Fools!
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