A Goldfish (5e Race)

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April Fools!
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A Goldfish[edit]

Physical Description[edit]

History[edit]

Goldfish are fish-shaped crackers manufactured by Pepperidge Farm, which is a division of the Campbell Soup Company. The crackers have been available in several varieties and, since 1962, 40% of the crackers contain a small imprint of an eye and a smile. The brand's current marketing and product packaging incorporate this feature of the product: "The Snack That Smiles Back! Goldfish!", reinforced by Finn, the smiling mascot with sunglasses.[1] The product is marketed as a "baked snack cracker" on the label with various flavors and varieties.

Additionally, the goldfish (Carassius auratus) is a freshwater fish in the family Cyprinidae of order Cypriniformes. It is commonly kept as a pet in indoor aquariums, and is one of the most popular aquarium fish. Goldfish released into the wild have become an invasive pest in parts of North America. Native to East Asia, the goldfish is a relatively small member of the carp family (which also includes the Prussian carp and the crucian carp). It was first selectively bred for color in imperial China more than 1,000 years ago, and several distinct breeds have since been developed. Goldfish breeds vary greatly in size, body shape, fin configuration, and coloration (various combinations of white, yellow, orange, red, brown, and black are known).

Both of the above paragraphs are unwaveringly true. Despite what you may think, there are no inconsistencies between the two paragraphs. They live in a perfect harmony, and are perfectly balanced as all things should be.

===Society===Like your fathers before you, and like their father before them, your earliest memory is behind the tinted glass of a Petco fish tank or on the inside of a small plastic bag at the local county fair.

Goldfish Names[edit]

There are only seven possible names for the goldfish race. Any goldfish attempting to name its offspring outside of these races will be instantly smited by Poseidon, God of the Sea.

Male: Fishy, Goldie, Darren, Gilbert Swimmington IV, Evan (this will cost you $5)

Female: Fishy, Goldie, Darren, Queen Elizabeth II, Sushi

Goldfish Traits[edit]

Ability Score Increase. Your Charisma score increases by 2.
Age. You are approximately the age of a goldfish. Goldfish have relatively short lifespans depending on the age and maturity of its owner, and whether or not it was won as a prize at a county fair. It is goldfish tradition to be flushed down a toilet or other feature of modern plumbing as a funeral or consumed in a fraternity basement.
Alignment. I eat. I swim. I live. I am True Neutral.
Size. You are approximately the size of a goldfish. Your size is Tiny.
Speed. You have a swimming speed of 25 ft. You have an innate magical ability to make air within a 1 ft. radius of you turn to eater, allowing you to swim.
The Snack That Smiles Back. When you are hit by a melee attack, you can use your reaction to force the attacking creature to make a Wisdom saving throw (DC = 8 + your Wisdom modifier + your proficiency bonus). On a fail, they are charmed by you for 1 minute or until they take damage. Even after the affect of the initial charm wears off, the affected creature will forever be unable to eat you.
Forgetful. At the start of your turn, you can use an action to "forget" about a certain condition that is affecting you. By the end of your turn, the targeted condition is no longer present. You can use the Forgetful trait once per long rest.
Natural Shield. You are continuously surrounded by a 1 foot sphere of water, which acts as a natural shield against ranged weapon attacks. You are resistant to all non-magical damage coming from a ranged weapon attack. Additionally, as a reaction, you can tail whip the shield of water around you towards a friendly creature to transfer your racial resistances to that creature. Until the end of your next turn, your movement speed is 0, you lose your resistance to ranged weapon attack damage, and you cannot breathe.
Languages. As natural hyperpolyglots, goldfish can speak, read, and understand every language - after all, everybody can speak the language of food.

Flavor Blasted Pizza[edit]

Ability Score Increase. Your Strength score increases by 1.
I'm Walkin' Here. You have legs now. You have a walking speed of 30 ft. along with your innate swimming speed, and can Dash as a Bonus Action. Red Bull might give you wings, but Flavor Blasted Pizza gives you legs. Mamma Mia.
Natural Shield - Modified. When using your Natural Shield ability, your innate walking speed allows you to keep your movement speed.

Flavor Blasted Cheddar[edit]

Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity score increases by 1.
The One That Does the Stunts. You have proficiency in the Acrobatics and Athletics skills.
Jump. Your high jump and long jump are sextupled. We'll let you figure this one out.

Pretzel[edit]

Ability Score Increase. Your Constitution score increases by 1.
Salt in the Wound. After hitting an already wounded enemy, you can choose to add salt damage equal to your Constitution modifier. No creatures are immune or resistant to salt damage. Creatures with vulnerability to salt damage are at the discretion of the DM.

Veggie Cheesy Tomato[edit]

Ability Score Increase. None of your ability scores increase, but the Player's Intelligence goes down by 2. Think next time.

Random Height and Weight[edit]

Base
Height
Height
Modifier*
Base
Weight
Weight
Modifier**
0′ 2″ +0 6 grams lb. × (0) lb.

*Height = base height + height modifier
**Weight = base weight + (height modifier × weight modifier)

Suggested Characteristics[edit]

When creating a <race name> character, you can use the following table of traits, ideals, bonds and flaws to help flesh out your character. Use these tables in addition to or in place of your background's characteristics.

d8 Personality Trait
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
d6 Ideal
1
2
3
4
5
6
d6 Bond
1
2
3
4
5
6
d6 Flaw
1
2
3
4
5
6
4.00
(2 votes)

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