Philosoraptor (3.5e Creature)

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April Fools!
This content is not designed for use in regular games, and may affect overall balance and gameplay. Take caution when using this material.

Campaign Usability[edit]

Please note that while this creature is an April Fools article, it is also fully balanced for use in a campaign. However, if the PCs manage to convince one to join the party, they have no one to blame but themselves.

Size/Type: Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 4d10+16 (38 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (–1 size, +2 Dex, +5 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+11
Attack: Talons +6 melee (2d6+4)
Full Attack: Talons +6 melee (2d6+4) and 2 foreclaws +1 melee (1d3+2) and bite +1 melee (2d4+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Pounce
Special Qualities: Low-light vision, scent
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +6, Will +12
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 15, Con 19, Int 17, Wis 26, Cha 10
Skills: Hide +8, Jump +26, Listen +10, Spot +10, Survival +10, Perform (Oratory) +18
Feats: Run, Track
Environment: Warm forests
Organization: Solitary, pair, or pack (3–6)
Challenge Rating: 4
Treasure: purely metaphorical
Alignment: Neutral or unknown; possibly undefined
Advancement: 5–8 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:

A philosoraptor is bright green along its back and flanks, with a much lighter shade of the same color on its underside. The body has darker spots or stripes. Its tail extends straight out behind itself, held aloft by an intricate structure of bony supports, thus allowing its weight to be carried entirely by the back legs. It weighs about 600 pounds. Philosoraptors are typically non-aggressive; it is unknown as to whether this is a natural tendency or merely a product of inattention to their surroundings. They often ponder mysterious quandaries such as the nature of existence; be aware that prolonged communication with a philosoraptor may eventually run the risk of breaking the Fourth Wall and any pursuant consequences.


A philosoraptor uses a combination of speed, grasping forearms, large teeth, and hind legs with ripping talons. It hunts by running at prey, leaping, and ripping with its rear talons as it claws and bites. It can then use its Philosophy ability to confuse the target, allowing more time for ripping, tearing, and slashing. The talons count as one attack. A philosoraptor has a relatively large brain for a dinosaur, and its pack hunts with cunning tactics.

Philosophy (Ex): Once every 2d2-1 turns, a philosoraptor may, as a move action, begin a long-winded explanation of some complicated idea. Any creature with an Intelligence of 3 or higher able to hear the philosoraptor must make a DC 18 Will save to ignore the speech or be Confused for 1d2 rounds. Philosoraptors are immune to this effect. When philosoraptors work together using this ability, the DC increases by 4 for each additional philosoraptor, and the duration increases by 1d2 rounds for each additional two philosoraptors.

Pounce (Ex): If a philosoraptor charges, it can make a full attack.

Skills: A philosoraptor has a +8 racial bonus on Hide, Jump, Listen, Spot, and Survival checks.

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