Jester Jokes (DnD Other)

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Jester Jokes[edit]

Have you ever needed a joke to add flavor, whether you're a court jester, street performer, amusing child or eccentric fellow. Here shall be a place to find them. Feel free to add your own.

Joke 1

Q: What kind of monster brings you chocolates and flowers before it eats you?

A: A Romanticore.

Joke 2

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in front of a door?

A: Matt

Joke 3

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a lake?

A: Bob

Joke 4

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a hole?

A: Phil

Joke 5

Q: Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers.

Joke 6

A horse walks into a bar and yells "Hey!".

Joke 7

Three dragons walk into a bar... there were no survivors.

Joke 8

2 humans walk into a bar, the halfling walks under it.

Joke 9

An Ogre walks into a bar with flint and steel. The bartender lets him in but says, "Don't start anything".

Joke 10

Q: What is iritating, doesn't go away, and makes you miserable?

A: A lich (play on itch)

Joke 11

Q: why did the cockatrice cross the road?

A: someone ate the chicken.

Joke 12

Q: What did the peasant say to the angry witch?

A: "Ribbit."

Joke 13

Q: What do you throw to a Drowning Dwarf?

A: His Wife and Children!! (Its a Drow Joke)

Joke 14

Q: What do you call a one-armed and one-legged woman up against a wall?

A: Eileen.

Joke 15

Q: Why are the knights always so tired?

A: Because they worked on the knight shift!

Bad Jokes[edit]

For the jesters that aren't really that funny.

Bad Joke 1

A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard are sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding so the barbarian throws the wizard overboard.

Bad joke 2

A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard are sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding and the wizard teleports away, so the barbarian jumps overboard himself.

Bad joke 3

A group of adventurers are trying to extract information from a farmer. They finally give up and begin to walk away. Suddenly the wizard says, "I bet the pig could tell us what we need to know". The rogue then says, "Yea, I bet the barbarian could talk to it also. they have the same inteligence

Bad Joke 4

Half the orcs in my town are in prison. As for the other half, just give them some time.

Bad Joke 5

Your mother is so-so.

Bad Joke 6

What's the difference between a zombie and a politician? One is a brainless, useless waste of space, and the other one is a zombie.

Bad Joke 7

An adventurer walks in to a crowded tavern to gather information. When he sits down at his table, a fat woman opposite says, "You know, if you were a gentleman, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." The adventurer responds with, "If you were a lady, you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

Bad Joke 8

"Mommy, why are we pushing the carriage off the cliff?"

"Be quiet, you'll wake your father."

Bad Joke 9

What is the easiest way to kill two dragons? Throw a platinum piece in between them and watch them fight to the death.

Bad Joke 10

A barmaiden is good for 71 things: Cooking, Catering, and 69.

Bad Joke 11

Q: Why did the goblin cross the road?

A: He didn't, he only got halfway before the dwarves tagged him

Bad Joke 12

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A: Getting attacked by a red dragon.

Bad Joke 13

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A: Finding a wyrm in your apple.

Bad Joke 14

Q: Why did the child drop his lollypop?

A: Because he was hit by a carriage.

Bad Joke 15

Two dwarves walk out of a pub.

Bad Joke 16

A: Old people at weddings tap me on the shoulder and say your next. So i started doing the same at funerals

Bad Joke 17

Q: What does a Lava Child call its mother?

A: Magma.

Bad Joke 18

Q: What's red and invisible?

A: No tomatoes.

Bad Joke 19

Q: What do people in Waterdeep call cats?

A: Cats.

Bad Joke 20

A Noblewoman walks into a bar. A knight asks, "Why did you deserve the title 'Noble'?" The Noblewoman responds, "It's just one thing we are that you aren't."

Bad Joke 21

You know, I used to have a druid friend named Silvia before she was eaten by a dragon. *starts sobbing*

Pickup Lines[edit]

Because hey, it happens a lot in bars.

Pickup Line 1

"Is that a rod of lordly might in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Pickup Line 2

"Maybe it's just your charm spell, but your hotness is overcoming my fire resistance."

Pickup Line 3

"Are you a wizard? Because I was just enchanted"

Pickup Line 4

"Is that your new spell, Stunning Jugs, or is it all natural?"

Pickup Line 5

"Do you want to find out how to soften my Immovable Rod?"

Pickup Line 6

"Do you wanna see MY Lance of Faith?"

pickup line 7

"I may have a "ring of greater sustenance" but i'm still hungry for you"

pickup line 8


pickup line 9

"Have you been drinking?"

pickup line 10

"You're nothin' like a tree. You won't leaf me alone!"

pickup line 11

"Have you wondered what it would be like with less teeth and more bruises?"

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