Great White Handkerchief (3.5e Creature)

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April Fools!
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Size/Type: Colossal Construct (Lawful, Extraplanar)
Hit Dice: 55d10+410 (712 hp)
Initiative: +9 (+1 Dex, +8 Superior Initiative)
Speed: fly 80 ft. (poor)
Armor Class: 48 (-8 size, +1 Dex, +45 natural), touch 3, flat-footed 47
Base Attack/Grapple: +41/+78
Attack: 4 slams +50 melee (4d6+17)
Full Attack: 4 slams +50 melee (4d6+17)
Space/Reach: 30 ft./30 ft.
Special Attacks: Constrict 4d8+25, improved multiple grab, multiple grapple, spell-like abilities, WTF
Special Qualities: Blindsight 200 ft., construct traits, damage reduction 30/magic and slashing, fast healing 10, spell resistance 42, vulnerability to fire
Saves: Fort +18, Ref +19, Will +34
Abilities: Str 44, Dex 13, Con —, Int 31, Wis 31, Cha 17
Skills: Bluff +48, Concentration +51, Decipher Script +58, Diplomacy +45, Listen +67, Knowledge (all) +40, Search +45, Sense Motive +45, Spellcraft +83, Spot +44
Feats: Alertness, Combat Expertise, Epic Toughness (×11), Epic Will, Improved Grapple, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Quicken Spell, Superior Initiative
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 30
Treasure: A great amount of soft, thoroughly absorbant paper.
Alignment: Always lawful neutral
Advancement: 56-220 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:
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Many races believe that the Universe was created by some sort of god or in the Big Bang. The Jatravartid people, however, believe that the Universe was sneezed out of the nose of a being called the Great Green Arkleseizure. They live in perpetual fear of the time they call "The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief". The theory of the Great Green Arkleseizure is not widely accepted outside Viltvodle VI, but the envoys of Universe's end are still in existence, enormous handkerchiefs that scour the ends of time itself

The great white handkerchief resembles a tough sheet of square, pattern-embroidered cottoned paper, approximately a hundred by a hundred feet.


A great white handkerchief prefers to use its powerful ability to grapple in order to bind its enemies and dispatch them quickly.

Constrict (Ex): A great white handkerchief deals 4d8+25 damage on a successful grapple check.

Improved Multiple Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a great white handkerchief must hit an opponent of any size with its slam attack. It can then attempt to incite a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold and can constrict. It can do this a number times per turn equal to the amount of slam attacks it has. A great white handkerchief may however not grab more creatures than it can grapple.

Multiple Grapple (Ex): A great white handkerchief is able to grapple with more creatures at once. At any time, it can grapple 1 Colossal creature, 2 Gargantuan creatures, 4 Huge creatures or 8 Medium or smaller creatures. For every creature more than the first that a great white handkerchief is grappling, it receives a cumulative -4 penalty on grapple checks.

Spell-Like Abilities (Su): At will—displacement, major image, mass suggestion, mirage arcana, phantasmal killer, rainbow pattern, simulacrum. 5/day—mass hold monster, shades, weird. Caster level 28th. DCs are Intelligence-based.

WTF (Ex): The sheer presence of an enormous, flying handkerchief incites a powerful WTF factor in everybody that sees it. A creature beholding a great white handkerchief must make a will save (DC 47) or be so awed that they can take single actions only for the duration of the encounter (either a move action or a standard action, but not a full action or both). The DC is Intelligence-based.

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