College of Shitposting (5e Subclass)
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College of Shitposting
Bards of the College of Shitposting are most misbehaved and chaotic Bards to have ever roamed the land. Never being able to stay on topic and sometimes destroying threads with ease many have compared them to literal cancer.
"You are a master of wit who knows precisely how to counter the wit of others with your own. Only the most intelligent of individuals and wisest of sages can get past you and your indomitable wit."
When you join the College of Shitposting at 3rd level, you gain proficiency in Intelligence and Wisdom saving throws. In addition, when selecting spells known, a Shitposter may select any Enchantment spell regardless of class restrictions.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!" Hardly applies when it's your words. You have perfected the art of getting under people's skin where only the most thick-skinned of people are able to even tolerate your words much less your existence.
At 3rd level, a Shitposter knows the cantrip vicious mockery and can cast it either as a bonus action or as a reaction to target failing a saving throw within range. This doesn't apply to the number of cantrips known. If the Shitposter already has this cantrip they may pick another cantrip of their choice but still gain the benefit of casting vicious mockery as a bonus action or reaction. In addition, instead of a d4, a Shitposter's die when using vicious mockery is equal to their Bardic Inspiration Die and they may add their charisma modifier to damage.
Whoever said that quality beats quantity has clearly never mastered the art of Shitposting. You have learned how to pair multiple Shitposts together in order to gain maximum effectiveness.
At 6th level, you gain a number of Flood Points equal to your Bard level. You may only spend these Flood Points on the following abilities. You regain all spent Flood Points after a long rest.
When you cast a spell that has a casting time of 1 action, you can spend 2 Flood Points to change the casting time to 1 bonus action for this casting.
Two For One
When you cast a spell that targets only one creature and doesn't have a range of self, you can spend a number of Flood Points equal to the spell's level to target another creature in range with the same spell. This costs 1 Flood Point if the spell is a cantrip. In addition, if the spell consumes material components, then you must provide them for each target.
When you cast a spell on an allied creature you can spend 2 Flood Point to force an enemy within 60ft to make a Wisdom saving throw or they become filled with a need to attack the allied creature targeted by this spell. They can remake this save at the end of each of their turn.
When you cast the cantrip, vicious mockery on your turn and not as a bonus action, you can spend a Flood Point to cast it again as part of the same action. You can do this a consecutive number of times equal to your proficiency bonus.
When a creature fails their save against your vicious mockery you can spend 3 Flood Points to cast bestow curse on them as a reaction, but you must already know bestow curse.
If you drop a creature to 0 hit points with vicious mockery you recover all expanded Flood Points.
You have Shitposted so much that it has become second nature to you. You know precisely how to appease other people, using Shitposts to annoy or entertain them to maximum effectiveness.
At 14th level whenever a Shitposter casts a spell the may choose for the target to suffer one of the following effects before or after the spell is applied:
- Literal Cancer
- The target must pass a Charisma saving throw or else they gain disadvantage on their next roll. If disadvantage has already been applied by some other source the target instead suffers damage equal to the Shitposters Inspiration die. This does not use up a Shitposter's Inspiration uses.
- A Funny
- The target gains advantage on their next roll. If advantage has already been applied to some other source the target instead heals damage equal to the Shitposter's Inspiration die. This does not use up a Shitposters Inspiration uses.
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