Charlie Sheen (3.5e Equipment)

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April Fools!
This content is not designed for use in regular games, and may affect overall balance and gameplay. Take caution when using this material.

Cost: Charlie Sheen is not available in any shop. For the purpose of determining a character's wealth, treat it as being worth a number of gold pieces equal to the total number of trolls in your campaign world.

Weight: Doesn't matter.

Craft (alchemy) DC: 42 * lim(x-->0)[(sin x)/x)] * (sqrt -1)


Upon taking Charlie Sheen you must succeed on a DC 35 Everything save (just roll all three saves and let your DM decide whether to add, multiply, take the highest, etc). If you fail, your face melts and your body explodes, causing all children within a 500-foot radius to cry.

If successful, you gain the benefits of taking Charlie Sheen:

  • +20 to all Winning checks
  • You gain tiger blood, thus counting as the Animal creature type whenever it would benefit you, or whenever you simply feel like it.
  • You immediately gain one level in Cleric, one level in Assassin, and one level in Warlock. You do not need to meet any prerquisites or alignment requirements or obey any codes.
  • From now on your character re-rolls his Wisdom score each and every time he would need to use it, like when making a Spot check or casting a divine spell.
  • You can morph into F-18 form at will, gaining the Construct type, a fly speed of 500 feet with clumsy maneuverability, and a S-8 AP-1 Ordinance Blast template attack that can be used once per shooting phase.
  • Wait, what was I going to write on this line?
  • As a standard action you can use Remove Disease, as the spell, at will. This is a psi-like ability.
  • Your fists can breath a 30-foot cone of fire, dealing 85/145/205/265/325 (+0.6 per point of Ability Power) magic damage to all targets in the area.
  • 50,000,000 gp
  • oh god whats going on the room is spinning
  • Search your library for a basic land card and put that card into play. Shuffle your library afterward.
  • Female creatures within however much distance you choose become fascinated and instantly love you. This works on all creatures, including deities and asexual creatures (they are turned into females).
  • Gain the North America continent bonus, granting you 5 additional armies per turn.
  • Chance on hit: Blasts your enemy with lightning, dealing 300 Nature damage and then jumping to additional nearby enemies. Each jump reduces that victim's Nature resistance by 25. Affects 5 targets. Your primary target is also consumed by a cyclone, slowing its attack speed by 20% for 12 sec.
  • Chicken deals 500 potroast when used against Dracula.
  • I need more 7 gram rocks
  • Cast Magic Missile. It deals waffles instead of damage.
  • ps, I spilld my drink on th kybard
  • ULTIMATE FORM: All party members join together forming Voltron. All games within 4d100 miles are instantly won.

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