Grand Piano (3.5e Equipment)
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Who in their right mind would use a Grand Piano as a weapon!?
Well someone has. A normal Grand Piano for a human is actually the Large version of the weapon. Therefore to use a piano of their size, a medium creature needs to use the large version, with the appropriate penalties involved. A smaller, halfling sized piano (a medium Grand Piano), may be used, but even then the user takes a -2 to attack due to the sheer weight and bulk of it all. This stacks of non-proficiency and all other penalties. It is swung around by one of the legs, which swivels and locks to the side to make a handle for this massive bludgeoning device. Toggling between weapon and instrument is a move action which provokes attacks of opportunity.
The Grand Piano is made largely of wood with ivory keys and can be used as both a weapon and a masterwork instrument, giving +2 to perform checks (+1 for every point of enchantment bonus applied). A piano of the incorrect size to play (a medium creature with a medium instead of large piano) has their perform bonus 1 less per size category off.