Talk:Homunculus (4e Race)
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I've made these changes:
- Merged ability score bonuses to one line.
- Reduced skill selection to Athletics and Intimidate
- Removed languages that don't exist in vanilla 4e.
- "one non-weapon proficiency" - don't know what this means, so removed it.
- Removed the total of +12 to skill bonuses, which is way over budget. Replaced it with Bluff as a bonus class skills.
- Creation of Alchemy doesn't make any sense (alchemy isn't a "non-weapon proficiency" - is the author thinking of 2nd edition?) so removed it.
- Added Living Construct trait instead of Regenerator.
- None of the powers made much sense, so I removed them. I'll try and think of a nice encounter power, and some racial utility powers, that fit their theme.
- The fluff says that "At first meeting with a homunculus, they tend to be intimidating, hostile, and untrustworthy", which is at odds with their Diplomacy trait, so removed it.
- Corrected the categories. There's nothing in the fluff to suggest that they have the Immortal origin, and their type is Humanoid, not Construct. Marasmusine (talk) 02:12, 19 July 2012 (MDT)
You should reformat the racial powers Ultimate Form, Ultimate Shadow and Ultimate Shield in a similar manner to the way the Drow Lolthtouched racial powers are set up. That way you can use any given racial power in an encounter, you can't use more in the same encounter.
A few suggestions
So I'm not sure how often this page is being check and/or updated, but I would like to see perhaps some of these suggestions come true so that my Homunculus character can be the best it can be.
1. All the clans should be listed
Sure, we have 4 of the 7 clans listed, and with a little research and inference, one can discover what each of these clans are made up of (Lucifer=Pride and Humility, Leviathan=Envy and Kindness, Mammon=Greed and Charity, etc.). However, the other 3 clans should be stated by name for the sake of uniformity and clarity, and the original leaders of each should be listed for those who don't want to or can't read into it as much as I did.
2. Clan Distinction and Story Cleaning Up
While I do enjoy the idea of the homunculi and the story you used, I think it could be both A). a bit more clear (Who was the clan that stood by the Lucifer Clan in the war?, etc.) and B). a little deeper, in the sense that perhaps each clan could have a sigil/emblem (possibly with the original colors and animals associated with each sin?), and also that each clan had something special or different which allowed them to be differentiated from each other (whether it be cosmetic or a totally different variant, just perhaps something for each).
Other than that, this page is very well done. As it is right now, it works very well, but giving just a few extras would be fantastic. Great job thus far!